Keeping Focus
by Ember411
Summary: Alternate episode to "Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car." Emma must keep focus on her two goals. Staying thin and keeping Leo around. She finds a way to keep both, but it's dangerous. What is more important to focus on for Emma? Her health or her relationships?
1. The Bathroom

**Hello my fellow Red Band Society members! This is my first RBS fiction story, short one may I add, and hope you all like this.**

**This is a little AU to the recent episode.**

**Little message at the end of this chapter.**

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><p>Emma left the boys to find a restaurant bathroom and wash her red orange dusty fingers. She had been rubbing her fingers together for the past hour now and needed to rid her of calorie covered finger.<p>

Sorry. Food covered finger, right? It's just food and to be precise it was a single Cheetos chip. Or something of the matter.

She found a restaurant nearby and immediately entered it, locating the bathroom minutes later. It was one of those single person bathrooms, one person only. Perfect.

She entered the bathroom and locked the door. She turned the sink on cold and started using the cold liquid on her hands, then turning her attention to the soap dispenser and took a little more than a good amount and started rubbing her hands together. She could still see the red and orange dust so she rubbed faster and harder, faster and harder. She felt like she was rubbing her skin off now, only to see her bones.

But her bones are already visible. Only when she lifted her shirt up and saw her ribs. She liked it.

After a minute of vigorously rubbing her hands together with the soap Emma placed her hands under the water and washed the soap off, ridding the red and orange calories off her three fingers.

She grabbed a paper towel and used it to turn the sink off, then threw that out and took another paper towel to dry her hands. She dried them for a few seconds and tossed the towel away before examining her hands. No red, no orange, no calories.

Damn.

Food. No food.

She wished she could rid her other food. She remembers the night she had that marshmallow treat the other night in Leo and Jordi's room and wished she could of go back and tell herself not to eat it.

But she had too. If she wanted Leo to stay than she had eat. She had to eat for him. It was the right thing to do.

Right?

Emma continued to look at her fingers. She never noticed them like this before. She noticed her fingernails also. Not as pointy as Kara's nails that for sure, but not chomped down like this one child she knew over in the children's area of the hospital. The girl had gotten her tonsils taken out and before her operation she had wandered off on her own for a good half hour before coming into Emma's room and asking her where her mommy and daddy were. Emma took a break from her studies and carried the girl back to the child play room where she was sure one of the assigned doctors in that area knew where the girls parents were. She remembered the small girl had none of the white parts at the tip of fingernails and when asked the girl laughed and said she had a habit of biting her nails.

Emma use to do that. She still did sometimes just to ease the rare hunger pains she gained. If she chomped on a nail than she tricked her stomach into thinking it was eating. She never ate her nail. That's gross.

But now looking at her fingers she saw how pointy they were. She looked back at her reflection.

"No." She said to her mirror self, knowing what it was thinking. "That's disgusting."

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><p>But as she left the bathroom and the restaurant she thought about it. She thought about it once long ago, but then decided not too. But now it was on her mind again. She could still eat and that would keep Leo around and that was what she wanted. And the hospital staff would be pleased. But then again she thought about the consequences of the actions that come along with it.<p>

She had to think about it.

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><p><strong>Okay so that's it for now!<strong>

**So this is kind of a Leo-Emma and Jordi-Emma story, but Emma alone.**

**Personally, I think Emma needs to be on her own. She needs to focus on herself and care for herself before she can care about anyone else. She can still care about her friends, obviously, but she needs to get better herself before going into a relationship with a guy.**


	2. Hospital Stall

**Thanks so much for the reviews everyone.**

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><p>After Emma's meltdown and cleaning up the food, placing it as neatly as possible on the tray, she picked the tray up and settled it back on the stand it was on earlier. She was tired of wasting perfectly good food that someone else could have. T<em>hey should know by now I'm not going to eat this. I'm not going to eat all these calories.<em>

_Food._

_I'm not going to eat all this food._

Emma went and read her book for a while until she was almost ready for bed. She went down to the bathroom stall before bed, to use the toilet, but passed the now-closing cafeteria on her way. She saw a cart filled with chocolate brownies. The chocolate was melting off the side of the brownie, looking delicious and dangerous at the same time for Emma.

Her mind went back to her thoughts earlier.

"Maybe..." She muttered.

Emma is a nice girl. Shy at first, but friendly and caring with a small sense of humor. "Twisted" as Jordi called her. She could never do wrong. But she had to do this experiment. To test if her theory was possible now because if it was possible now, than she could continue.

Right?

Emma snuck into the cafeteria and took a brownie. Not a big one, one of the smaller pieces. About the size of her palm. She left the cafeteria and continued down the hall with the napkin wrapped brownie in her sleeve.

Emma entered inside one of the bathrooms stalls. There was two other people in here so she took the time bye sitting on the toilet and place the napkin on her lap and just staring at the fudge brownie. The chocolate fudge had smeared around the napkin a little bit, but not too much either. Just sitting there on her lap speaking to her. _Eat me Emma. Eat me Emma. You know you want to eat me._ It just kept speaking to her like that, but then there was another voice inside of her head. _Go ahead, eat that. Eat the calories. Gain all that weight. Go on, eat the calories. _This voice mimicked in her head over and over again.

Finally Emma picked up the brownie with her right hand, the chocolate smearing on her fingers just like that cheesy Cheeto this morning. Emma placed it near her mouth and smelled the chocolate first. Smelling the fragrance of the chocolate, delicious, mouth-watering brownie. Finally she popped the whole brownie in her mouth and began chewing the soft delicious dessert as the saliva in her mouth broke down the bits and pieces inside. Soon the fudge stuck to the roof of her mouth and sticking itself around her mouth, but the brownie part still breaking down. The voice in her head kept telling her to stop and spit it out but her stomach told her to continued.

A minute later the food was down. Emma decided to wait a few more minutes, to let it settle down, before testing herself out. After wiping her fingers clean with the clean side of the napkin Emma took the time and read from her phone a couple of pages from her current novel. Ten pages and three minutes later she decided to try it out, as she was now alone in the bathroom.

Emma stood up from the toilet, turned to face it, then got on her knees looking at the water. As clean as it looked she knew it was still gross. Both the toilet itself, having to experience humans doing all sorts of business in the bowl, and what was going to happen just now. She thought hard about how she was going to do this. Slowly? Quickly?

She picked up her two right fingers and studied how pointy they were. Again.

"Be brave, you can do it." She whispered to herself. "For Leo."

She shut her eyes and placed her fingers in her mouth. She kept them just at the entrance and tried to ease her mind about what was to happen. Finally she placed them back, but felt herself gag and stopped. She took her fingers out and took a breathe.

"You're okay, you're okay," She soothed herself.

She tried again, but failed.

_Come on and do it for Leo. You have to do it for Leo!_

She went for a third try. She put her fingers all the way back, feeling and ignoring the gagging, and pushed them down her throat. Still gagging and craving air she felt something. Hot, burning liquid pain. Acid. But something was coming up with the acid. Finally it came out. She felt something exist her throat other than acid, something solidified but still liquid formed.

She pulled back from the toilet and wiped her hand over her mouth. She dared herself to look inside of the toilet bowl. Inside of the toilet bowl was something dark and floating above the water. Along with some other gunk that was indescribable.

The brownie.

It worked.

Emma smiled as she flushed the toilet.

She left the stall, still alone in the bathroom, and went to the sink to wash her hands. She rid her acid-like hands then drank some water from the sink. The acid feeling was still burning her throat.

At least it worked.

Emma left the bathroom and went back to her room walking at quick speed. Once inside she got dressed in her PJ's and then laid in her bed with her lights turned off.

It worked now, it could keep working.

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><p><strong>How was that?<strong>

**Thanks for the reviews.**


	3. 100, 400, Pizza, Bathrooms

**Oh my god...next week's episode...with Emma...  
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**So either in this recent episode we learned Emma had a bathroom, or I didn't pay attention as well as I thought. Either way, this information will actually work out better than planned for Keeping Focus.**

**Note: Sorry if Dash doesn't sound like Dash.**

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><p>A week since her first incident. She hated this, she hated the feeling she had in her throat when the calories came up. All the calories she ate when she took them in, they came back up.<p>

Food.

When she ate food, not calories.

Nobody else seemed to notice her behavior _(Except for a certain young child in a coma, who saw all from where he was). _The only behavior they noticed was Emma actually eating food. Lots of food.

"Save some for the third world," Leo joked.

"Don't eat too much or you'll just wanna go throw it up." Kara said as she texted on her phone. "I want some peanuts! Not these stupid hospital peanuts!"

"What's this difference between these hospital peanuts for a snack and peanuts from some high class world of golden poodles?" Dash asked her, sipping a soda.

"The salt. There is more salt on these peanuts than anything else!" Kara yelled.

"And yet you had three slices of pizza," Jordi told her as he took a third slice from his box. He turned to Charlie and said, "Dude, kind of sucks you can't eat this. Maybe when you're capable we'll throw a pizza party. How's that?"

Charlie answered YES with his eyes. That was his only form of communication. Yes and No. And only by blinking.

Emma was on her fourth slice. Last one of the night before going to her room, taking a shower (that included vomiting) and then going to sleep after drying her hair. She took her time eating the food as the rest of the Red Band friends talked among themselves about different things; with occasional snarks from Kara and blink answers from Charlie. Soon afterwards Emma, Leo and Jordi went off to their bedrooms while Kara walked around and Dash went off to find some cigarettes.

Emma had made it halfway down the hall to the elevator when she heard the boys behind her coming up. She turned to them. "Hi."

"Hey," Leo greeted her first. "Wow, that's a whole pizza. Honestly I can't beleive you almost ate an entire box."

"Yeah," Emma forced herself to say. Her mind did the math. _100 calories per slice. Four slices. 400 calories. _100 calories per slice. Four slices. 400 calories. _100 calories per slice. Four slices. 400 calories. _100 calories per slice. Four slices. 400 calories.____ "I was pretty hungry."

"Hey we were going to watch a movie on Leo's computer, wanna join?" Jordi asked Emma.

_100 calories per slice. Four slices. 400 calories._

"No thanks, I'm going to go study and do some work."

"Can't Harvard wait?" Leo asked.

"It could," Emma spoke. "But I might end up reading a book after that." _100 calories per slice. Four slices. 400 calories. _"I'll just see you guys in the morning."

"Alright," Jordi said as he pulled her in a hug. "Night Emma,"

"Night," Leo kissed her cheek.

Emma noticed that Jordi didn't make a face or even flinch a bit when her cheek was kissed. Maybe they made up as friends and weren't fighting over her anymore. She smiled as she stepped in the elevator. _Good,_ she thought. _Now I don't have to worry over who I like. Not that it matters because I picked Leo. I want to leave here with Leo and in order for that I have to keep focus. Have a steady relationship with him and eat. Because that is the correct thing to do._

_Right?_

__100 calories per slice. Four slices. 400 calories. _100 calories per slice. Four slices. 400 calories. _100 calories per slice. Four slices. 400 calories._  
><em>____

Emma returned to her room, finding a plate of food on there. She just ate. Specifically 400 calories worth of food too. Wasn't that enough? That was too much, that was for sure.

Emma entered the bathroom and shut the door behind her. She turned the shower on and waited a minute or two before opening the toilet and proceeding her actions. It sucked. But it had to work. She was going to make it work. She just had to keep focus.

Keep focused.

Keep focused.

Keep focused.

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><p><strong>Alright. Sorry this was a short one.<strong>

**Happy Thanksgiving! Gobble! Gobble! Gobble!**


	4. The Happiest Place for Displeasure

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**Guys...Red Band...Emma... Oh my god!**

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><p>Two weeks came and went. Emma kept with her usual routine. Eat, throw up, eat, throw up, eat and throw up. Nobody noticed. Her therapist had even belived her with Emma said she felt a lot better these days. She was told she had to stay one more month for observations and receive a final weigh-in at the end of that month trial. To the hospital, if Emma kept eating and writing her food journal details down, had a good number at weight in and felt a lot better to be independent; she was all good to go home.<p>

To Emma, if she kept eating and throwing up and saying words she knew the staff wanted to hear; she could leave.

Emma had permission to go out one afternoon. Somehow the rest of the Red Band members heard and, with the exception of Charlie, opted to come. Kara included in order to get fresh air "not for an oxygen tank!"

The group opted to take a car that Kara had. Being a girl from Beverly Hills had its good side. Jordi offered to drive but Kara threaten to make him a look alike Leo if he tried to touch the driver side car door or the keys. After the first ten minutes of silence Leo asked, "Where are we going?"

"We could check out DisneyLand," Jordi opted. "I've always wanted to go."

"Don't they have a Disney in Mexico?" Kara asked rudely.

"The closest to Disney was Six Flags México in Mexico City and I don't really want to talk about my experience there. It was dreadful." Jordi said.

"Well opts out

Six Flags Magic Mountain," Dash said. "Anywhere that there are ladies in bikinis I will go."

"I haven't been to Disney since I was seven." Emma said.

"I'm all for Disney." Leo said.

"Ugh, fine you Wittle Babies, let's go to Disney. Who needs the potty or their bottle?"

"Someone's cranky," Jordi laughed.

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><p>An hour later the gang got into the park after searching for a spot to park and to get one of those Fast Pass passes for all of them, thanks to Leo playing the sick kid card. All agreed to meet up when the park closed around 8.<p>

Dash and Kara went off together to find a place to either smoke or find girls while the trio that was left stood there in their sports.

"Emma, what do you want to do?" Leo asked.

Before Emma spoke she saw Jordi look a little upset. Not surprising. Dash went off to find girls in bikinis and he probably didn't want to hang out with Kara right now. "Uh, the three of us should go on a roller coaster."

"Three of us?" Leo asked her.

"We can't leave Jordi along. Nobody comes to Disney alone, right?"

"Only perverts." Jordi told them.

"Okay, let's go find a roller coaster."

"I'm heading to the bathroom first." Emma said.

Emma entered inside of a bathroom and picked the stall at the furthest end of the bathroom. She got on her knees, stuck her fingers down her throat, and threw up. Some of her breakfast came up but that was it.

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><p>Twenty rides later the trio met up with Kara and a soaking wet Dash and ended up at some character dining buffet. They only ended up there because Dash's new love interest, Sleeping Beauty, was singing there during lunch.<p>

"Man whore." Kara said.

"Nope, I like Princesses." Dash said. "You like villians."

"What makes you say that?"

"Ursula your Mom, right?"

"Excuse me!?"

While the two argued/joked back and forth, with the audience of Jordi and Leo, Emma observed the menu quickly and decided what to get. House Salad with low-fat milk. Healthy and easy to throw up. She got up with the rest and they all parted to get their food. It wasn't until upon their arrival a very social Kara, once again, opened her mouth. "For an Ana who's getting better, why don't you eat pasta?"

"Kara, cool it," Jordi said. "You can't just jump back into things overnight."

"She clearly can jump back into it if she's going to be observed for the next month and get released." Kara explained loudly. "Go get a pasta dish now!"

"I'm not that hungry I'm waiting for dinner." Emma said.

"Whatever." Kara made a face and poked at her food.

Emma poked at her own food for a bit, cutting the carrots a bit before chewing and swallowing them. If she continued to drink things than by the time the gang left Emma would have the perfect excuse of using the toilet. She finished her milk and got up, went to where the milks were, and came back with three more bottles of milk.

"See! Over night easy!" Kara yelled.

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><p>They finished their food. Emma went to the bathroom with Kara following to fix her hair. Luckily there were some others in the bathrooms, mainly teenage girls, so Emma assumed Kara would think the one throwing up was another girl. Emma did her thing, quickly, got rid of most of her meal, flushed and acted as if she finished her business.<p>

She'd be fine. Right?

Nope. Dinner.

Six hours later after the gang hung out together they ended up at another dining place. Though before Emma could take a seat next to Leo, Kara yanked her away for "girl time."

Inside of the perky bright bathroom Kara pulled Emma all the way in, released her wrist and turned to face the young brunette. "Listen here Brainy, I know what you're doing."

Emma's faced went a little shocked. "You...you do?"

"I'm blonde but not stupid." Kara said. "You think you can live on salads forever? No, you need more! So if I see you get a freaking salad now I'm going to flip the table and go behind the kitchen door and get something on my own for you."

"Why do you care if I eat a salad?" Emma asked.

"I don't care. I just don't want to hear you all the way back to that stupid hospital and complain about being hungry."

"I assure you Kara, I won't do that." Emma said.

"Ugh!" Kara scoffed. "Whatever. Don't get a salad."

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><p>She didn't. She ended up ordering some pasta dish with bread on the side. While the rest of the group was busy Emma cut up her food to tiny pieces before taking a small fork lift of the red sauce covered calorie string.<p>

Pasta string. Not calorie string.

She ate it. It was so...disgusting. She felt the sauce hit the bottom of her chin leaving a red mark and stay there. Gross. Emma finished chewing and grabbed her napkin wiping it away. She wanted to stop eating, but she was with her friends. The same ones who thought she was getting better. The same ones she lied too.

She managed to eat the pasta dish. But felt revolting after she had it.

Once everyone finished they decided to get on two more rides before heading back to the hospital. Emma opted to stay off the rides and hold Kara's pocket book and jacket.

While everyone was on the ride Emma snuck away to find a bathroom.

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><p>Hours and hours later Emma laid in her bed, looking up at the ceiling, counting the calories in her head. How many she had taken, how many she had lost.<p>

She snuck into her bathroom and got into her position. She flushed the toilet then starting gagging to rid some more calories/food in her. A good cover up. She finished gagging after she flushed for a second time. Hands washed and gazed into the mirror.

"Your doing good. You can go home soon. Just keep focus."

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><p><strong>So... I have no idea what is going on with the show. They can't END it like THAT WAY! But someone told me they're not gonna show the three episodes they have left. I'm sorry, but they NEED TOO! <strong>

**We can't have the show end with Emma on the floor and Jordi being a drug dealer and I wanna see Charlie get fully better!**


	5. A Visit to Charlie

**Wow, I updated? Interesting.**

**Message at the bottom, it's important.**

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><p>Two weeks came and went. Emma had two more weeks in the hospital to be observed before she could go home. It turns out that Leo has to stay a little longer, but he assured her that once he was out of there for good they could continue their relationship together. Emma was glad to hear that.<p>

Leo has physical therapy, Jordi was busy on music, Dash was off doing his own thing, Charlie was getting some work done with Dr. Naday and Kara was with Hunter probably having sex or just making out hardcore. Maybe if Ruben Garcia was still here Emma could hang out with him for a little bit. But alas Emma stayed with her books and school papers instead of doing nothing else.

She ate lunch. She threw it up ten minutes later. She didn't want to go back to her room just yet; maybe she could visit Charlie for a little bit. He could still communicate blinking his eyes. Once for yes, twice for no. But she's learned that he uses a computer to also communicate too.

She saw that Charlie was not only alone but that the computer thing he had been using for the past few days wasn't there either. She walked in and sat next to him. "Hey Charlie, it's Emma. Is it okay if I visit for a while?

_Sure. _One hard blink. _Maybe now if she asks me in the right way I can tell her to stop throwing up. Just because I'm still in this state of the coma, it doesn't mean I don't know what is going on._

"How's the therapy work going? Do you like it?"

One hard blink. _It's just funny when I go to spell a word because I can't spell half the words. But the doctor seems to know what I'm saying. I'm pretty good at chess too lately._

"Well that's good. Maybe you'll be the next to leave after me."

Two hard blinks.

"Okay, well maybe the last," Emma said. Charlie gave her one hard blink. "You never know. I can't wait to go home soon."

_You can't leave yet Emma. You're not healthy. If anything it's worse._

"I have two more weeks to be observed and then I can go home." Emma smiled.

_I wish I can communicate with her more. Why can't the computer be here? I don't even know how to spell it out but at least she would make out what I need to tell her._

"Hey so if you feel better by the time I'm at Harvard, and the rest of the Red Band members are too, you should all come visit me. I mean I know your parents will have to come and stay at the hotel, but we can all hang out together. Sound like fun?

_Sure did. _One blink. _But that can only happen if you stop throwing up. It's gross. I mean when I did it I had a real reason; eating too much candy. Of course I ended up here and my parents argued about it and Dad was in trouble, but making yourself throw up on purpose it gross._

"Do you want me to read you a book?" She asked pulling her phone out. "Anything specific?"

One hard blink.

"Children's?"

Two hard blinks.

"Young adult?"

One hard blink.

Emma began looking for a book that she'd think he would like. "I have _Freak the Mighty. _It's about two boys about the same age. One is a slow learner, too large for his age, and the other is a tiny, disabled genius. The two pair up to create one formidable human force known as "Freak the Mighty." I've seen the movie too, but the novel is better."

_A book then a movie? Of course I'd love that!_

"Actually the boy who reads the novel on audiotape played Max in the movie, he was in another movie too. The Mighty Ducks. I think Fulton was his name."

_Fulton? Mighty Ducks! Yes! This had to be a good novel!_

One hard blink.

Emma smiled as she opened the book on her phone. "I never had a brain until Freak came along and let me borrow his for a while, and that's the truth, the whole truth."

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><p>Several chapters later just as Emma was getting to a good part, her stomach roared for hunger. "Do you mind if I stop here and finish this for you tomorrow?"<p>

One blink.

"Okay. I'll find another book to read since I'll finish this one tomorrow," Emma said as she stood up. "I'm heading off to the cafe for food."

_Please don't throw up._

Emma, not realizing she was still speaking aloud, said, "Sometimes I wish I could be like that one coma patient and live on a water liquid diet only."

_Not possible. And you are not dieting, you're killing yourself. If only I could talk to you._

"Bye Charlie."

_Please eat Emma. Please eat._

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><p><strong>Aww, I loved writing this chapter. Poor Emma :(<strong>

**Alright so I follow some cast members on instagram, I'm strange like that, and Zoe posted a picture recently that looked like she, as Kara, was being filmed. Also I haven't heard the show was cancelled yet. Maybe they're going to cancel it, but Fox gave the writers time to re-work on things so that the show can have an appropriate ending?**

**I don't know, just an idea.**

**Review please.**


	6. Food and Voices

**Hello.**

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><p>"Good job Emma," A nurse said writing down the current weight of Emma. "You might be leaving in a few days."<p>

"I'm excited about that." Emma told the nurse as she stepped off the scale. After a few more minutes Emma existed the room and went to the cafe to get lunch, finding Jordi and Dash in there throwing food at one another. "A food fight?" Emma laughed at them.

"For once the hospital has bad food." Jordi told her.

"Hmmm-mmm, the food is bad." Dash added. "I want to go out and get real food, but Nurse Jackson says I have to stay since my lungs have been acting up a little more today."

"Are you okay?" Emma asked him as she took the chocolate chip muffin from Jordi's plate and began eating it. She knew he hated them for whatever unknown reason.

'I'm fine. They just have to up my medicine a little bit." Dash said. "I was gonna get out and get real food for a change."

"Anything specific?" Jordi asked him.

"Anything! Pizza! Burgers! Any type of Asian food! Cake!" Dash told him. "I just need real food."

"You know I am kind of craving some Chinese food. I'll see if Kara could lend me one of her credit cards and get some food." Jordi told him and Emma. "She owes me big time for the other day."

"What happened?" Emma asked.

"I saw her switched her heart monitor with someone else so that she and Hunter could get all kinky, which I taped on my phone." Jordi smiled. "I know it's not like me and I'll delete it later, but I like this blackmail thing right now."

"Sneaky." Emma smiled.

Jordi turned to Emma and said, "Wanna get food with me? I still have the car."

"Sure." Emma said. "Do you mind if I get Leo?"

"He has some work to do this morning with his leg and won't be out until later." Jordi said.

"Oh, okay."

"Yo if you can sneak me some Ben and Jerry that'll be a great bonus for Dash here." Dash chipped in. "Call me for flavor's they're offering."

"Okay." Emma said. "Let me just go back to my room and get a few things."

"Cool. Meet you out front." Jordi said.

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><p>Emma hurried back to her room and grabbed a bag with her stuff inside and then went to the bathroom. She shut it, waited a minute or two, before flushing the toilet and running the sink and returning to the toilet to throw up the muffin.<p>

Emma stood up and flushed and went back to the sink to wash her fingers. She turned the sink on to a cold temperature and started using the cold liquid on her hands, then grabbed a great amount of soap and began rubbing her hands together. She could still see the chocolate from the muffin on her fingers so she rubbed harder and faster, faster and harder. She felt like she could breaking her bones from rubbing so hard. She washed them several times before drying them off and noticed something for the first time. She had these small discolored marks on her fingers, a little yellow and pink toned. She found it a little strange and had no idea where they came from. Just now? Or have they been there for a while and she _just _noticed it now?

Emma looked up into her reflection and studied herself. A little pale and her haired seemed a little different too. Thin, really thin, and when she felt it she thought she was touching anything else but her own hair. She naturally had oily hair but her hair seemed very dry and brittle now.

"No, it's that new shampoo I bought." She told herself.

Emma smiled at the thought and saw her mouth for the first time. Her gums seemed badly red and her teeth looked gross; yellow almost. Like a character from The Simpsons.

"I didn't brush my teeth last night or this morning." She told herself.

She looked at her reflection a little longer before she noticed that her reflection started to move on her own. She felt like she was going crazy.

_"You know what you're doing is wrong, correct?" _Mirror Emma told Real Emma.

"Excuse me?"

_"Throwing up on purpose? It's gross."_

"It's only for a little while longer and then I can stop."

_"Emma, you've read books about bulimics."_

"I am not bulimic."

_"Yes you are. You _know _you are. You know the signs, the symptoms. You can diagnosis yourself now and find that you have bulimia. Or at least anorexia-bulimia because that is a possible eating disorder type people can suffer from. You know all of this Emma. You're smart."_

"I'm fine." Emma said as she turned around to leave, but stopped when she saw another Emma standing in front of her.

Emma 2 smiled. "Keep up the work, you're a little skinny already."

Mirror Emma spoke again. _"Don't listen to her Emma. She's just going to make you kill yourself."_

"No, don't listen to a mirror. She reflects everything you aren't. She's beautiful and you are just a fat ugly duck. Not even the Ugly Duckling would hang out with you."

_"Don't listen to her Emma!"_

"Listen to me Emma," Emma 2 said. "Leo will never date a fat turkey so whatever you do; keep throwing up."

Emma stood there looking between Mirror Emma and Emma 2, telling her opposite things about her eating and behavior. She soon heard their voices in her head and she had to sit down, cover her ears and block them out. Emma 2 mocked her and said that Emma could never block out her bad thoughts no matter how hard she tried. She would always be a fat ugly loser with nobody to love her romantically and die alone as a cat lady. Mirror Emma told her to keep eating and whether or not she was skinny or big that she would still have friends.

Who was right?

Emma's phone went off and the voices stopped. It was Jordi. "Hello?"

_"Emma? It's Jordi, where are you?"_

"On my way."

_"Are you okay? Are you crying?"_

"No. I...walked into a door."

_"Doesn't sound like you."_

"Just a little hungry and not focusing. I'm coming now." Emma answered.

_"Alright."_

They both hung up. Emma stood up, brushed herself down and adjusted her hat before leaving the bathroom. She was fine.

She just had to keep focus.

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><p><strong>How was that? Good?<strong>

**See you next year.**


	7. Buffet Bathroom Binges

**Okay so I decided to upload this last chapter until "next year" haha.**

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><p>After sneaking out, something Emma never dose but wanted to be rebellious as her days at the hospital were coming to an end, she and Jordi drove around until they found a buffet style restaurant. Mainly serving Chinese food, but other foods were inside too. Inside Emma saw all the food and instantly in her head she had one thing.<p>

Run.

No, she was going to stay. She was going to eat, throw up, eat some more, throw up and then continue this process. For the rest of her life.

As soon as she and Jordi were seated for food and drinks were ordered, Emma looked at the salads first. If she ate enough salad with dressing than she could throw up easier and skip out on the rest of the meal. She grabbed all the salad things, added some dressing to it, a piece of bread and went back to the table. Jordi came back a few moments later with all sorts of foods from all over the world.

"You're quicker than a horse." He joked.

"Hungry. That's all." Emma answered, placing a third forkfill into her mouth. She ate that then took her orange soda and drank that down quickly. She took several more bites of her food before her plate was cleaned off. Jordi was only on his second fork of food.

"You really are hungry." He said.

"Yes." Emma said as she got up to use the bathroom. "I'll be right back."

She went to the bathroom and threw up. She gathered some sushi, pizza, boneless chicken and more salad for her second plate. She looked down at her plate and saw all those calories staring at her. Mocking her. Chanting 'Fat! Fat! Fat! to her all over again. Emma ignored those voices and instead listen to Jordi talk about his music and a song he wrote about recently. She was caught up that she nearly forgot about everything.

She finished her second plate just as Jordi finished his first plate. The two of them went up together to get a second and third plate and ended up throwing some food at one another and laughing before some wise-guy owner suggested they get their food and sit back down. As the two teens finished their plates with random foods they returned to the table. They scraped off the food dangling from their heads and clothes and continued to laugh. Jordi tossed a small carrot at her head.

"Jordi, they said to stop." Emma laughed.

"No, he said 'I suggest you finish your plates and go sit back down.' So he suggested us to continue our play at the table."

"Oh cleaver." Emma said.

She ate some of her food before getting up and going to the bathroom. She was back five minutes later.

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><p>After her fourth plate she had to rid of her food one more time before they left.<p>

She got inside and shut the stall behind her, locking it. She knew what to do.

Emma got to her knees, put the toilet seat up and tied her hair back into a ponytail with her hair elastic. Emma placed her fingers to the back of her throat and proceeded to push them back and have that all too familiar acid feeling from the back of her throat come up and feed the toilet her leftover food. She gagged. She took a quick breathe before gagging for a second time. She lifted her head up fully, taking a deep breathe of oxygen, and then proceeded for a third time.

She flushed the toilet and left the stall. As she washed her hands she saw her cheeks in her mirror reflection. They appeared to be big. She was big. Emma ran back into the same stall she just used and got back on her knees, lifted the seat up and pushed her fingers down her throat. She pushed them all the way back and threw up.

_I have to get rid of them! I have to get rid of these calories! I'm big! I ate too much! I thought I was good but I ate too much! I have to rid all of this! I have to get rid of all of this!_

She gagged two more times.

Flush.

New, clean water. Ready to be fed like a mother bird to her babies.

Emma pushed her fingers back once more and closed her eyes tightly, her fingers went deeper and she felt that acid once more. She made a large, gross, disgusting gagging sound as all the food and acid poured from her throat and into the toilet.

"Emma!"

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><p><strong>Uh-oh!<strong>


	8. Confession

**UH oh.**

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><p><em>"Emma!"<em>

Emma took her finger out of her mouth and whipped herself around to see who had called her name out so loudly. And there he stood; Jordi. Wide eyed from shock at what was in front of him. Emma puking into a toilet.

"Jordi?" Emma said. "What are you doing in here? This is the girls bathroom!"

"You were acting really weird all day and kept coming to the bathroom so I thought I'd check on you," Jordi explained. "Why are you making yourself puke?"

"This food was gross." Emma said. "But I didn't want to go anywhere else."

"Emma don't lie to me," Jordi said. "I've seen this before."

"It's nothing." Emma said as she flushed the toilet and moved herself passed Jordi and to the sink.

Jordi didn't stop. "Emma I've seen this before. You're bulimic."

"No. I don't have bulimia Jordi. I'm a recovering anorexic." Emma said. "There's a difference."

"They're both eating disorders Emma, you know that. But bulimia is just as bad as anorexia and maybe even worse since all the food you throw back up messes up your teeth and fingers and hands." Jordi said. "You've told us you were getting better. What happened?"

"I just had to throw up. That's all. The food was unsettling." Emma explained as she finished washing her hands.

Jordi knew better. He stood at the door blocking it from being opened and refused to move until Emma would tell him. Emma asked him to move twice, but he refused.

"Not until you tell me what's going on." He said.

"I can't." She told him. "You wouldn't get it."

"I can try." He told her.

"I want to leave the hospital." Emma said. "I'm tired of being in here and I don't want to be there anymore."

"There's more to that. I can tell." Jordi said. "What else?"

"Nothing."

"We're not leaving until I get the whole story." Jordi told Emma. "If you don't tell me I'm going to tell Nurse Jackson that you've been lying about getting better and been throwing up instead of eating your food."

"What proof do you have?" Emma questioned. "No proof, no story to tell her."

Jordi grabbed Emma's hand and held it up to her. "These little marks on your knuckles are called Russell's Marks, or something like that. They're mainly caused by self-vomiting over a period of time. Your hair is brittle and your teeth are sort of yellow. Like a character from The Simpsons and your gums are red. There's enough proof for doctors and nurses to check you out and see that you have bulimia."

Emma huffed. He was correct, there was proof there. "Fine. You want the whole story?"

Jordi nodded.

Emma sighed and took a breathe before speaking. "A few weeks ago Leo and I were hanging out with some of Leos old friends; Lauren and Jay. Lauren kept making weird comments and asking me constantly about my eating disorder and it was very uncomfortable. By the end of the day we ran into each other, after Leo and I fought about the whole day and how it went, and she told me that Leo doesn't wait around for too long for someone. He has a limit."

"A limit?"

"A limit to how long he'll wait until he gives up on a girl and goes for another." Emma said. "I want to be with Leo and I have to improve myself so that I can stay with him and he won't go after another girl."

"So you're throwing up, making yourself more sick, to be with someone who has a limit to how long he has to wait for a girl before moving on to a new girl?" The way Jordi spoke was like a part of Emma's head that told her a similar thing. Don't do stupid things just for a boy. But her heart was her major part. "No offense, but that seems really wacky for a love story."

"It's fine. I'll have this under control."

"But isn't that why you're here? Don't people with eating disorders feel like they have no control over anything so the one thing they have to control is their diet and body."

"What are you telling me?" Emma asked him, a little annoyed.

"Emma you can't control things. And even if you could or can control things, it could be dangerous. Like this. What you're doing is dangerous. You know you can go into a heart attack for this? Lose teeth? Hair falls out? Nails break?"

"Since when did you become Dr. McAndrews?"

"Since when did a intelligent person like yourself think she has to throw up to get better to be with someone who may not be right for her, if he has a time limit for girl before either staying with them or going after a new girl?"

_Wow. Jordi was becoming smarter by the second and making sense too. He did have a point though. Maybe what I'm doing is wrong and not good for me, but I've been unhealthy for so long I've grown custom to it. And I can stop the bulimia whenever I want. Just eat like I usually do and then not purge. Not too hard. At least it shouldn't be so hard._

"Are you going to stop Emma?"

Emma forced herself to nod. "I'll stop."

"Are you going to tell someone?"

"Tell someone?"

"Yes," Jordi said. "You should mention it to someone. Brittany, Nurse Jackson, Dr. McAdnrews. Anyone. Just so they know that you've been throwing up."

"I can't." Emma said. That was true.

"Why not?"

"There's a mental psych type ward in the hospital," Emma said. "Not too many people end up there but sometimes patients end up there. There's this one area for bulimics and it's not a good area. I went there once when I first came here and was observing my new home. I met this girl there named Summer Preston. She was telling me that while they can leave their rooms, most of their meals are served in their room with a nurse or doctor standing there watching them and they have to eat their whole plate. They don't have their own bathrooms because the hospital won't allow them to be hidden on camera. Yes, camera. As in they are watched 24-7 in case someone tries to throw up when nobody is in the room with them. Some of the bulimics and severe anorexics down there have funnels and tubes down their throats."

"Anorexics too?" Jordi asked.

"Severe anorexic." Emma said. "I'm not there, but I could be somewhere close to it if I don't get better."

"That's just weird. I haven't heard of a mental psych ward, if that's the correct term for it."

"It's not mentioned too much, but Summer told me that most days are just horrible than the rest." Emma said.

"And you want to go there?" Jordi asked her, knowing full well she didn't want to go there.

"No." Emma sighed. "I don't...I just don't want to tell a doctor and end up there."

"Maybe there'll be a deal. You know, if you come forward and say what happened they won't put you down there with the others. It's an idea." Jordi comforted her a bit.

"I guess." Emma said. "Wanna go back now? I'm really tired and want to work on some homework before I take a nap."

"Alright," Jordi said. "Just promise me you'll tell someone. Promise?"

"Promise." Emma smiled.

_"Nope. She won't tell anyone. Why? She's Emma. Everyone believed her... then again maybe they wouldn't believe her."_

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><p><strong>Ahh what's going to happen now!?<strong>


	9. Blurry

**Guys I am so sad! Red Band is cancelled. It's such an amazing show and I love all the characters. My sister and I think that if they switch the show to a different channel, like ABC Family, it could continue because it's the type of show that ABC Family would do. Like _Secret Life. _I hope that we get a miracle and we get the show onto another channel and continue the stories of Red Band.**

**Let us enjoy the last three episodes.**

**At least this show has brought all of us fans together.**

**We are The Red Band Society.**

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><p><strong>P.S currently edited this chapter during the episode premiere.<strong>

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><p><strong>*** IMPORTANT ***<br>Please don't talk about the episode in the review.  
>PM me if you want to share your thoughts on it with me.<br>I just don't want someone to look at reviews, not seeing the episode yet, and read that happens and such.**

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><p>Two days had passed and nothing happened that made a major change to Emma's life.<p>

She still had not told any doctors or nurses that she's been throwing up, she was too scared of being sent to that psych area of the hospital and be watched on a camera almost all day when she's down there. Being watched by someone who was watching her change her clothes, taking a shower and using the toilet for her number one and number two business and the possible worse scenario of having a tube down her throat and being force-fed by a machine with different nutritious foods in liquid form. Disgusting.

She hadn't told Jordi either that she's told someone. When he asked her for the past two days if she's told anyone. she would tell him the same two things. "I'm getting the help I need." She didn't exactly tell him the truth, but she didn't lie to him either. She rounded her answer to his question. And he always believed her.

* * *

><p>Emma finished reading <em>Freak The Mighty <em>to Charlie, who's condition hasn't changed too much. Still blinking for answers and using the computer for talking, though Emma kept using Yes and No questions for him. She finished _The Outsiders _in one day since she and Charlie had nothing much to do, and Charlie liked the novels Emma suggested for him, so now today was a new novel. Emma found one that she was sure he would love.

"Charlie?" She asked him. "Have I tired you out with all these novels yet?"

One blink. _No, you actually keep picking out all the books that I seem to like. And there are movie versions too so I can watch them as well._

"Well I am sick and tired of hearing all these stupid books," Kara commented as she flipped through a magazine. "If you're going to read another one I'm leaving."

Emma shrugged then went back to Charlie and said, "Call it corny, but I have _Charlie and the Chocolate Factory _if you want," She held the book in her hands. "I actually have a book this time and not my phone. Do you want me to read you this novel?"

One blink. _Why do you think my name is Charlie?_

"That's it! I'm out of here!" Kara said as she got up and left the room. "Story time better be done without an hour."

"I usually have story time with him for an hour, Kara." Emma said as the blonde cheerleader walked passed her.

"Whatever."

Emma opened the novel and began reading, "These two very old people are the father and mother of Mr Bucket. Their names are Grandpa Joe and Grandma Josephine. And these two very old people are the father and mother of Mrs Bucket. Their names are Grandpa George and Grandma Georgina. This is Mr Bucket. This is Mrs Bucket. Mr and Mrs Bucket have a small boy whose name is Charlie. This is Charlie,"

_Of course I'm Charlie._

Emma looked at the next line but she had to squint to read it. Though the words were blended together and only a couple of the letters showed up. "How...do...how...something...Pleasure?...six...Charlie... town?"

_No I've read this novel a hundred times. Why can't I read these words? Maybe I'm thirsty. Yes, I am thirsty. _Emma looked up at Charlie. "Charlie, can I stop for a minute to get something to drink?"

One blink.

"Alright, I'll be right back." Emma said as she put her bookmark in the novel and got up to leave.

* * *

><p>She left Charlie and Kara's room and walked down the hallway to the cafeteria to get a water bottle. The hospital was a bit busier than usual so there was staff running and going back and forth between rooms and the elevators and such. Leo was having some sort of scan done, which for some reason took about two hours to do, Jordi and Dash were hanging out with that famous red hair woman (Jordi for music and Dash to sleep with) and Kara was probably having sex with that Hunter kid by now.<p>

She walked down the hallway a little further and found that almost the full hallway was becoming blurry. She couldn't recognize faces or wheelchairs or beds in her way and kept walking into those things. Not to mention that she knew everyone was watching her and she felt embarrassed.

"Emma?" The sound of the voice belonged to Brittany. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Emma said. "Just... little dehydrated so I'm getting to the cafeteria for water."

"Oh okay, I'll help you." Brittany said.

"Thanks." Emma said.

She got into the cafeteria and after talking to Brittany about an upcoming weigh-in with Emma's therapist, Brittany left to get some work done with another patient leaving Emma alone in the cafeteria. Emma walked up and, due to being a patient here, got a cold water bottle for free. She took a couple of gulps of it after purchasing it and looked around her scenery. The blurs went away and things became clear. She smiled as she made her way down the hallway.

* * *

><p>On her way back to Charlie's room Emma spotted Jordi and Dash standing and talking together. Emma walked a little faster to speak to her friends, but her head felt dizzy and sweaty and her breathing became shorter. As soon as she got near to the guys they turned to look at her. "Hey Fedora hat," Dash greeted.<p>

"Hi gu—"

Emma fell down in mid-sentence. She didn't blackout, but just fainted down. She dropped her open cap water bottle, the water falling out and spreading out on the floor. Within mere seconds Dash and Jordi helped Emma get back up on her feet, while some people still passed by. _That's embarrassing. _She thought. "Thanks guys," She smiled.

"Random floor check-ups?" Dash asked her.

"I want to be a doctor." Emma laughed. She looked over at Jordi, who wasn't laughing but looked concerned at her. "I'm joking." She said.

Jordi just raised his eyebrows and looked at her. From his face she could sense what he was suggesting to her. She made a face in return, assuring him that she was fine. It wasn't because of _that _to make her slip and fall.

"Alright, I'm gonna go find Kara and Kidney Boy and tape them for black mail. Then go find that new nurse and get a lovin' sponge bath from her. Later." Dash turned and left for the opposite side of the hallway.

Emma and Jordi looked at one another again. Jordi said, "Tell me the truth. Have you told anyone yet?"

"Yes."

"Don't lie to me. Please," Jordi pleaded. "The last person I cared about said something that ended up completely untrue."

His mother. Emma remembered Jordi talking about her briefly. She said she'd stay this time and she didn't.

Damn.

"No." Emma said softly, looking ashamed. "I haven't told anyone yet."

"Emma," Jordi sighed. "You have to tell someone. You _have _to tell someone before something bad happens to you."

"Jordi I can't. Remember what I told you about the psych ward? I can't tell anyone or else I'll end up in there and I won't have as much freedom as I do now."

"Freedom? What freedom?" Jordi asked.

"The freedom I have now."

"You don't have freedom. None of us do. We're all controlled by these demons we have inside of us. We're puppets and the universe is the demon puppet master. The closest we have to freedom in this hospital, in our situation, is twisting and turning the strings we're attached too."

Emma couldn't say anything. He was correct, she was unable to control herself but...she had to try. Right?

"And Emma, you need to do this to get better. You have to do this in order to start getting better." Jordi said.

He was right, she had to tell someone...but she couldn't. She really, really didn't want to end up at the pysch ward and end up having little to no freedom.

"Right. I have a weigh in later so I'll say it there, because my therapist will be there." Emma said.

"Good. Because if you don't tell anyone for another two days, I will." Jordi said. "Remember what I said to you about how I can convince the doctors about your bulimia? I can still do that."

"Fine!" Emma yelled in sudden anger. "I'll go talk about my feelings to some nut case who's job is to listen to me say words that I'm clearly just saying to please her and who's job is to act like she thinks she is better than me when in realty she has no idea what she's doing or talking about because she is not me! She is not Emma Madeline Chota!"

With that said Emma stormed away, not caring about Jordi's shocked emotion to her sudden anger, and going back to Charlie and Kara's room.

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><p>Emma walked back into the room, still in anger and frustration about Jordi, and sat down in the chair. "Sorry I'm a little late."<p>

_No worries. Better you than Princess 90210._

"I just a problem with someone and...it didn't end up good." Emma explained as she picked up the book again. "We're not too far into the book, so I'll start over again if that's OK."

One blink.

Emma smiled as she looked back to the first sentence...but the words were blurring up again.

Why?

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><p><strong>What now with Emma?<strong>

**Episode: So I won't say too much for you that didn't see it yet...but wow...just wow! **


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